The Joining Process - Part II

Joining is a way to talk about connecting and respecting the existing relational system of the congregation before pronouncing the need for change. It is foolish to blindly assume that folk are ready to make sacrifices in order to sustain change. If we seek to change the "system" before understanding the current configuration of relationships, we will get resistance. Can we really name it is as "resistance?" It may just be that the congregation is being itself and responding to unsolicited pressure to be different.

Joining is the ability to establish trust and connections. Effective “joining” triggers comments like, “s/he get its, understands, is a good fit etc.” Elizabeth Bettenhausen was one of my favorite professors at seminary. During one lecture in Systemmatic Theology, she shared her experience as a speaker at the National Lutheran Youth Conference. Adults came up to her later in the day and said, “the kids loved you, how did you engage them so effectively?” She replied, “I simply put myself into their shoes and imagined what it would be like to live as a teenager in this decade!” Empathic imagination is the beginning of a solid process of joining.

Four “Joining” Potholes
There is a photo on the web of a car being swallowed by a street "pothole.” That is my image of how leaders can get tripped up or even engulfed when failing to connect with a congregation before "turning them around." Four "potholes" jump to mind when clergy/congregation fail to successfully pass through the first trust building stage.

• Pothole #1 is the failure to establish trust and connection, sometimes described as a bad fit. Usually, it has more to do with the pastor/congregation lack of agility to flex enough to create connection. They have failed to join properly and build up sufficient trust.

• Pothole #2 is a failure to understand how different congregations respond to efforts to create change. Some church cultures “ignore and deny,” others, “escalate and increase” chaos, many “resist and counter” and collaborative churches “plan and facilitate” change. In this “pothole,” a pastor pushes change forward without regard to the norms, customs and beliefs of the church. Understanding culture, personal bias and a congregation’s way of handling change is critical. If that understanding isn’t present, the “pothole” increases dramatically in size.

• Pothole #3 is a failure to normalize relationships through different phases of the joining. The first partnering phase is a “meet and greet” stage of ministry where a person puts their best foot forward. Some organizational experts think of the next phase as “storming.” A period when folk relax enough to “get real” and share disappointment, concerns and criticisms. Once through this phase, both pastor and congregation begin to create new norms and customs for being in ministry together. They begin to answer the question, “How shall we make this journey together?”

• Pothole #4 is failing to provide challenge while staying connected. While congregations’ seek stability they also yearn for Vision and Direction. If the pastor and congregation have bought into the need for stability over vitality and vision, then usually by year 4 or 5 folk become restless. If a pastor continues to embraces shepherding over leadership, maintenance over transformation, the congregation will then build up momentum to change the pastor leadership style/priorites or make a pastoral change.