A couple of persons are standing in the corner of the fellowship hall during coffee hour. They are discussing the pastor’s sermon. The goal of their interaction can be understood conceptually through the domains of action, connection and meaning. Lois is reviewing the sermon with the goal of establishing her position as a long time church leader. Lifting up the carpet and looking underneath her content, it becomes clear that she is establishing “how things are done around here.” She states, "In my 30 years as a Lay Speaker, I have had the opportunity to preach several sermons on the church's mission. Today's wasn't bad. I wish the pastor wouldn't bury his head in his manuscript." Stan, a newer member and recent addition to the parish relations committee has been captured by the content of the sermon. He’s seeking to connect the “meaning dots” regarding the nature and purpose of the church. He states, "I found the simplicity of a mission focus "of increasing God's love in the world" attractive. I have heard many sermons that were theologically sophisticated but didn't stick with me throughout the week. When I wake up tomorrow morning and begin to groan about another Monday, this message will remind me what it is all about."
Nancy, a third person enters the conversation with concern that Lois may be doing her “power thing” again. Interrupting what Lois is about to say, "Stan, what do you think of the service today. Isn't wonderful how many our gathered for the coffee hour? I think it is just great how much energy you are bringing to the church. You are a Godsend."
Communication extends beyond the content of their words. Within the content and positioning of their interaction your can see how each individual is targeting a different goal.
For Stan it is about meaning, identity and purpose. For Lois, it may be more covert but she is establishing turf and power. For Nancy, her actions and words communicate the goal of strengthening connection (and blocking Lois from weakening it).
Family Therapist’s and researchers, David Kantor and William Lehr (“Inside The Family) studied healthy families. They concluded that the goal of all interactions could be categorized within three areas of Action, Connection & Meaning.
Three Interaction Targets
Meaning (Head) – seeks to deal with issues of identity and provide a framework for understanding reality. The playing field is thought, beliefs, values, vision and purpose. Jesus statement in his Sermon on the Mount “You are the salt of the earth…” is directed towards increasing a sense of meaning and identity.
Action (Power) – seeks movement and focuses on “how things get done.” In action folk are focused on competence and efficacy. They interactions may be cooperative or competitive, but are always about outcomes and getting things done. In the book of Acts the issue of action and power appears constantly. “…the Hellenist complained against the Hebrews their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution of food.” Acts 6
Connection (Heart) – seeks nurture, caring, belonging and intimacy. Here the playing field is around feelings, senses, providing and receiving caring interactions. In Matthew’s gospels chapter 18:15-22 connection is the primary concern. "If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.”
In my experience as a Pastor and Parish Consultant, I have observed that each congregation has their own unique preference. Congregations are people systems who direct their energy toward specific targets. Individual or subsystems may vary with each church. Yet, observing board meetings, worship and gatherings for fellowship can assess the totality of the church’s preference.
Both individuals and groups spend a good deal of time engaging in actions that seek purpose, belonging or some control. Fundamental to the purpose of the church is helping folk to claim a theological frame for discovering identity, understanding reality and the meaning of life. Yet, many congregations are more often comfortable in the domain of action/power (talking about budgets and buildings) or connection (seeking belonging and nurture).
The same holds true for pastors and church leaders. Even though they have an academic training in “meaning” they might prefer targeting interactions focused on connection or getting things done. Understanding interaction language or communication goals is important for leadership, church vitality and cohesiveness.
This tool can be helpful for assessing and mapping points of intervention. It is helpful for managing conflict, resistance to change and creating motivation. It is critical to understand these differences with congregational systems when designing stewardship program. Designers are often biased towards "meaning" when for some congregations motivation for giving is clearly in the domain of "connection."
